When the “New Year, New Me” Intentions only led me to Overwhelm

For years, I got caught up in the energy of New Year, New Me.

Every January, I felt the pressure to change something - or more accurately, to fix something. To tweak my routines, improve my habits, become a better version of myself. And while it often started with good intentions, what it usually left me with was a deep sense of overwhelm.

No matter what I did, there was an underlying message running in the background: Who you are right now isn’t quite enough.

I’d find myself scanning for all the ways I could improve - what wasn’t good enough, what needed to change, what I should be doing differently. And instead of feeling inspired, I felt heavy. Tight. Behind. It wasn’t supportive, and it certainly wasn’t kind.

Over time, I began to realise that this approach wasn’t helping me grow. It was pushing me further away from myself.

Shifting the Question Changed Everything

A few years ago, something shifted.

Instead of asking, What do I need to do more of? or How do I become a better version of myself? I started asking very different questions:

• What do I want to do less of?

• What am I saying yes to that I actually want to say no to?

• And on the flip side - what am I saying no to that I want to say yes to?

These questions felt quieter. Gentler. More honest.

And what they revealed, again and again, was that so much of my stress and overwhelm wasn’t about motivation or discipline - it was about boundaries.

When boundaries are unclear or porous, we often overextend. We agree to things out of habit, guilt, or fear of disappointing others. We push ourselves beyond our capacity. And then we wonder why we feel exhausted, resentful, or disconnected.

Nothing was “wrong” with me. My nervous system was simply overloaded.

Why Big Change Often Backfires

At the start of the year, there’s a collective rush to overhaul everything at once - routines, habits, health, productivity, mindset.

But the nervous system doesn’t respond well to sudden, drastic change.

Your body is always asking one simple question beneath the surface: Is this safe and manageable for me right now?

When the gap between where you are and where you’re trying to go feels too big, the system goes into protection. That can look like procrastination, resistance, shutdown, anxiety, or self-criticism.

Not because you’re failing. But because your body is saying, This is too much, too fast.

True, sustainable change doesn’t come from forcing yourself into a new shape. It comes from listening, pacing, and working with your capacity instead of against it.

The Power of Doing Less (and Choosing Better)

What I’ve learned is that change doesn’t have to be loud or dramatic to be meaningful.

Sometimes it looks like:

• Saying no where you used to say yes

• Letting go of expectations that were never yours to carry

• Creating space instead of filling it

• Choosing rest without needing to earn it

When we do less of what drains us, we naturally create room for what nourishes us.

And when change is rooted in self-respect rather than self-criticism, it becomes something the nervous system can actually support.

A Gentle Reflection You Can Try

If you’re feeling the pressure of January, I invite you to pause and reflect on these questions - slowly, without needing immediate answers:

• What am I currently doing out of obligation rather than alignment?

• Where in my life could I soften instead of pushing harder?

• What would feel genuinely supportive right now?

• What is one small boundary that would give me more space to breathe?

You don’t need a full plan. You don’t need to reinvent yourself.

Sometimes the most powerful shift is simply listening to what your body and inner world have been asking for all along.

Let This Year Be Different

You are not behind. You are not failing. And you do not need to become someone else to be worthy of care, ease, or growth.

Let this year be guided by:

• Less pressure, more compassion

• Less forcing, more listening

• Less doing, more discernment

Change doesn’t have to hurt to be real. And growth doesn’t have to come at the cost of your nervous system.

Sometimes, the most radical thing you can do is meet yourself exactly where you are - and choose where to go from there.