Coping Strategies vs Regulating Resources - And How to Gently Shift from One to the Other

We all have things we turn to when life feels overwhelming. Some of them help us feel grounded and present. Others help us escape or numb out for a little while. Both have a place. Both make sense based on what your nervous system has learned to do to keep you safe.

But many people feel confused about the difference between a coping strategy and a regulating resource, or they think they need to “give up” their coping mechanisms in order to heal. You don’t.

In fact, letting go of coping strategies too quickly can actually increase dysregulation.

This is where understanding your nervous system makes everything clearer and more compassionate.

What Coping Strategies Do

Coping strategies help you get through a difficult moment. They help you disconnect temporarily when staying present would feel too overwhelming.

Common examples:

• Scrolling

• Netflix

• Overworking

• Eating for comfort

• Avoidance

• Zoning out

These strategies help your system manage the moment, but they don’t actually bring you back into regulation. They don’t support your body in settling, releasing tension, or reconnecting with yourself.

It's important to know that coping strategies are not wrong. They’re protective. Your body learned them for a reason.

What Regulating Resources Do

Regulating resources support your nervous system to shift state - from activation, shutdown, or overwhelm into a place of more steadiness and safety.

Examples include:

• Gentle movement or shaking

• Breath awareness (not forced breathing)

• Warmth or pressure on the body

• Looking around the room slowly

• Grounding through your senses

• Humming or soft vocalisation

• Hand on the heart or chest

These practices help your system settle rather than disconnect.

The Most Important Piece: You Don’t Replace Coping Strategies Overnight

This is where many people get stuck. They believe they must stop scrolling, stop overeating, stop zoning out…before they learn to regulate.

But from a nervous system perspective, removing your coping strategy too quickly is like taking away a life raft before you’ve learned how to swim.

It can be too much, too fast.

The gentle, sustainable approach is this:

Keep the coping strategy and add the regulating resource beside it.

This creates safety. It creates capacity. And over time, the regulating resource begins to take the lead naturally.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

Scenario 1: Stress hits, and your go-to is Netflix

Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t do this,” try:

• Sit down to watch your show and place a hand on your chest for 30 seconds.

• Or notice the feeling of the couch supporting you.

• Or take one slow exhale before hitting play.

You’re not removing the coping strategy.

You’re simply adding a small dose of regulation.

Scenario 2: You reach for your phone to scroll

Before scrolling:

• Feel both feet on the ground.

• Drop your shoulders.

• Look around the room and name 3 things you see.

Then scroll if you want to. You’ve added a moment of presence before dissociation.

Scenario 3: You feel overwhelmed and want to shut down

Try:

• Holding a warm cup of tea.

• Wrapping a blanket around your shoulders.

• Pressing your back gently against a wall.

You’re staying connected to your body while using your coping strategy.

Why This Works

When you do both at the same time - coping + regulating - you are teaching your system:

• “I can soothe myself and stay connected.”

• “I don’t have to abandon myself to feel relief.”

• “There is a safer option available to me.”

Over time, regulating becomes more familiar, more natural, and more easily accessible. Your system learns that presence isn’t dangerous and so, your capacity expands. Slowly - without force, shame, or pressure - the coping strategy becomes less necessary.

It doesn’t fall away because you pushed it out. It falls away because your body no longer needs it in the same way.

A Simple Tool to Try: The Add One Thing Practice

The next time you notice yourself reaching for a coping strategy, pause for just a moment and ask:

“What is one regulating resource I can add beside this?”

Choose something tiny:

• One hand on the heart

• Three slow exhales

• Feeling the weight of your body on the chair

• Looking around the room

• Noticing warmth or pressure

Do your coping strategy and this one regulating resource together.

Practice this consistently.

You’ll begin to feel a subtle shift - more presence, less overwhelm, slightly more space between stress and your reaction.

And that’s how regulation grows: gently, slowly, through compassion rather than force.